Long time

Long time

I know I have been away quite a bit of time but what can I say for myself, I just couldn't write about anything at all, now I am facing a poster that says choose life but I don't seem to understand it anymore. This department in Breaker Fall has been the only home I have ever known and now I just cannot feel it like home, something is broken down; something was caught in the worst fire I could feel in my insides. I feel alone. All those boys down there seem to have all the answers, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, I have had it all, and then tried meditation, a bit of peace presented. At the end of it all I just could not harmonize with the concept of being contempt, I wanted more; after all I am just human, right? Or at least something near to the idea of human. When I drank that glass of water for a moment I felt like I meant or had a reason whatsoever but then again no, like that song by Elton John, all my surroundings seemed so grey, they still do.

To talk about the present that isn't there, to dream about the tomorrow I wish I had, to remember my past I would wish to forget. I am relapsing, the defeat is so clear, and it was by the only person… with the one person I care deeply for. Alice fell down the creak of the rabbit hole, and I just couldn't catch her. Damn you red queen… damn you… You got me and now off with my head. I am now jumping inside a dark rabbit hole, a place where I may not return but I will show the meaning of sacrifice, cut my binds and I shall! Now... you red old queen, what do you have to offer for an old black knight that suddenly has become a peon? Choose life… right? I silently drink another glass of water whilst I hope about tomorrow.